We've got members all over the place!
Ye, who enter these gates without a sense of humor, abandon all hope!
And remember:
"Work like you don't need the
money. Love like you've never been hurt.
And dance like no one is watching."
A Belarus Bride
We are a personal service introduction and marriage agency helping men who seek a beautiful Russian woman from Belarus to be their bride.
Just for your information, we use the terms Belarus girls, Russian girls, Russian women, and Belarus women interchangeably. All Belarus women are Russian women. Belarus means "White Russia." It's an old name from the Czarist times.
November, 2004 Newsletter Archive.
We've got members all over the
place! Ye, who enter these gates
without a sense of humor, abandon all hope! And remember: "Work like you don't need the
money. Love like you've never been hurt.
And dance like no one is watching."
Monday, November 1, 2004.
Tomorrow is Election Day here in the USA. You guys who watch "South Park" understand we have the choice between the Giant Douch-bag or The Shit Sandwich.... ....Decisions..Decisions....
We think free Booze should be served at all the polling places....Lots of it.
Well, the only good news will be those God-Awful political commercials will be gone...
Ed B. sent along these words of wisdom...Thanks Bud!
Subject: Hormones...
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when
all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his
own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a
driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant
other!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA-SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA-SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA-SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA-SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA-SAFE: Have some more chocolate.
Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might
need a good Laugh! Or men who need a warning. And remember:
Money talks....But Chocolate sings
Have A Damn Fine Day Today....It might be a good idea to get smashed before hitting the voting booth tomorrow...We understand they will not be serving free booze. That way, while we're in the booth quietly considering our options....Shit Sandwhich...Douch-Bag....Shit Sandwhich....Douch-Bag....???? Our options might seem like......Real options.
Tuesday, November 2, 2004.
OK, seriously. Today is election day here in the USA, I just got back from my polling place. We live a block away from Case school. Got there early, got done....and was surprised about how many people were there. This will be an interesting evening. This is the first national election Nina is witnessing. Actually, this is the first national election for all our couples here, because we celebrate our 4th birthday this month on the 15th. Yep, A Belarus Bride is 4 years old in 2 weeks. We can't believe how fast that 4 years has gone by.
So....You American guys get out and vote today, let's see what happens tonight. It's the least we can do, considering the total amount of money spent by the Democrats and Republicans was over 1 Billion Bucks on this election. Can you believe that?
And as always....Have A Damn Fine Day!
Wednesday, November 3, 2004.
Nina and I woke up this morning thinking the election had been decided. Apparently not.....
John Stewart is right...."Indecision 2004."
Well, the good news is those Damn political commercials are gone!
Hey! Have Yourself A Damn Fine Day Anyway!
Thursday, November 4, 2004.
Well....We actually had "Decision 2004." It's nice we didn't have to wait for 11 days to count all the "provisional ballots" in Ohio. The election is over....Thank God....
We have a nice joke on this cold, rainy morning....Thanks Mark R!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE LIVING IN 2004 WHEN...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends
and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You go home after a long day at work, and you still
answer the phone in a business manner.
7. When you make phone calls from home, you
accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and
worked for three different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is
home.
13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.
14. You leave the house without your cell phone, which
you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years
of
your life, and it causes you so much panic that
you turn around to go and get it.
15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
17. You're reading this and nodding.
18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
Now U R smiling at yourself.
Hey! Have A Damn Fine Day!
Friday, November 5, 2004.
It's a cold morning here, we had some sleet and rain last night....BBBRRRRR!
Ed B. sent us this funny....Thanks Bud!
Because of the shortage of the vaccine I thought this might
help. - Eat
right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin c.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs
instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of
antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.
Get plenty of rest.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
OR .... You can take the doctors office approach. Think about it, when you
go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.
Why? Because alcohol kills germs.
So......walk to the liquor store (exercise), put lime in your Corona
(fruit), celery in your Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio
(fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass
out.
The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can't get you!!!!
Sounds like a plan to us! :-)
Mark R's Olga will be here in the USA by the end of the month. We're hoping to see those guys soon!
Way to go Mark & Olga!
Hey.....Have A Damn Fine Weekend!
Monday, November 8, 2004.
It's Monday morning....the Browns lost last night on ESPN, Don's Eagles lost....but we had a fine weekend anyway. Don was here with us this weekend, he will be traveling to Vitebsk next month. We had a great time together.....as always!
Thanks for making the trip over here Bud! :-)
Hey! Have A Damn Fine Day!
Tuesday, November 9, 2004.
First of all this morning we want to welcome John to the group. He's one nice guy, we've spent some time on the phone together, we're looking forward to our working together and getting to know each other better. So.....
WELCOME JOHN!
Life is about to get a lot more interesting Bud! Hey John: Isn't that the way it should be?
Keith G. sent us this study of Western Women. OK, it's not a scientific study....but it sure is the truth! Thanks Keith! :-)
A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman may
go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised
of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the
shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you
may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot
go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better
than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's
further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good
looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more
further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good
looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?"
So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that many women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice
day
Stay far away from those "Western Women Shoppers." :-) Unless you happen to enjoy misery.
If you follow that advice....You can....Have A Damn Fine Life!
Wednesday, November 10, 2004.
Coffee! More coffee!
It's cold this morning here in Akron.....
A few tid-bits about our members....
Pat & Natalia are making plans for their February wedding. Bob & Elena will have a February wedding also we figure....We're looking forward to having all these guys here for a serious get-together.
We have a few guys making plans for their trips over to Vitebsk. Kalvin, Don, David, Ed, Keith, Rob, and Bob. Looks like we're in for an interesting early winter around here.
We wish everyone .....A Damn Fine Day!
Thursday, November 11, 2004.
We wish everyone a good day today....especially all our guys in the Armed Forces....Past & Present.....Thanks to all you guys....wherever you happen to be!
A correction from yesterday: I forgot to mention Mark R. will soon be taking his trip over to Vitebsk as well. Sorry Bud.....My two remaining brain cells weren't operating. :-)
Hey! Have A Damn Fine Day!
Friday, November 12, 2004.
Here it is Friday.....TGIF.....What better way to start the day than with a joke? Our dear friend Mark R. sent us this to help get us rolling on this fine morning. Thanks Bud! It won't be long now before you're packing your bags for Vitebsk!
JOB INTERVIEW
A guy wants to work for a company known to be creative
and aggressive. He gets an interview the company's
boss, who tests him with a hypothetical question.
"You're driving down the road on a wild, stormy
night," the company boss says, "when you see three
people waiting at a bus stop:
1. An old lady who looks like she's about to die.
2. A friend of yours who once saved your life.
3. The perfect woman you've always dreamed about.
If you have room for only one passenger in your car,
which of the three would you give a ride to?"
The job candidate thinks for a minute. He could be a
Good Samaritan and pick up the old lady, or he could
help the friend who once saved his life, and thus pay
the friend back. However, that would mean he would
never again find his perfect woman.
Finally the candidate comes up with an answer that
represents 'thinking outside the box.' Smiling with
pride, he gives his response.
"I'd give the car keys to my friend and let him take
the old lady to the hospital. Meanwhile I'd stay
behind and get to know the woman of my dreams."
"I'm sorry," the company boss says, "but that's not
the answer I was looking for. You see, we strive to be
not only creative, but very aggressive. Plus we're a
very tight-knit group."
"So?"
"So the correct answer would be to run the old lady
over and put her out of her misery, make love to the
woman on the hood of the car, and afterward drive off
with the friend for a few beers. Next candidate, please."
Here's a question: Why is this coming Monday a
special day around here? Answer:
A Belarus Bride is 4 years old on Monday.
We can't believe how quickly that 4 years flew by. The reason is.....we're lucky enough to have the nicest friends & members on the planet. That's what happens when good people get together. Time flies by too quick.
Hey! Have A Damn Fine Weekend!
Monday, November 15, 2004.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABB!
A Belarus Bride is 4 years old today. We want to thank all you guys who sent us those real nice B'Day wishes. Nina and I still can't believe how quick these last four years blasted by.
Keith G. sent us a nice B'Day joke. Thanks Bud! Personal note: Hey Keith: Our lists had a few real interesting matches...Won't be long now.....:-)
A GUY
TOOK HIS BLONDE GIRLFRIEND TO HER FIRST FOOTBALL GAME. THEY HAD GREAT SEATS
RIGHT BEHIND THEIR TEAM'S BENCH......AFTER THE GAME, HE ASKED HER HOW SHE LIKE
THE EXPERIENCE. "OH, I REALLY LIKED IT," SHE REPLIED, "ESPECIALLY THE TIGHT
PANTS AND ALL THE BIG MUSCLES, BUT I JUST COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY WERE
KILLING EACH OTHER OVER 25 CENTS."
DUMBFOUNDED, HER DATE ASKED, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" "WELL, I SAW THEM FLIP A COIN
AND ONE TEAM GOT IT AND THEN FOR THE REST OF THE GAME, ALL THEY KEPT SCREAMING
WAS; 'GET THE QUARTERBACK!' GET THE QUARTERBACK!' Hel-LLLO!!!
IT'S ONLY 25 CENTS!"
Actually.....This blonde must be a Cleveland Browns fan.....Congrats to all you
Steelers fans out there....You guys must be wondering when the Hell Cleveland
will get a professional football team. All us Browns fans are wondering about
that too.
Special note to our member Jeff.....Congrats on your Bengals Bud! Hey Jeff: No more bets this season! :-)
We wish everyone today: A Damn Fine Day!
Wednesday, November 17, 2004.
Our good friend and member Keith G. comes up with some great jokes.....Like this: Thanks Bud! Never leave your cell-phone un-attended!
*The Perfect
Husband.*
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to
talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
*WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"*
MAN: "Yes"
*WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I
buy it?"
MAN: "Sure .. go ahead if you like it that much."
*WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new
2004 models. I saw one I really
liked."
*MAN: "How much?"
*WOMAN: "$60,000"
*MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
*WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing.... the house we wanted last
year is back on the market.
They're asking $950,000."
*MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer
$900,000."
*WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later. I love you!"
*MAN: "Bye, I love you, too"
*The man hangs up.. The other men in the locker room are looking at him
in astonishment.
Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
*Never leave your cell phone unattended...
Hey! Have A Damn Fine Day!
Thursday, November 18, 2004.
It's foggy here this morning....both outside and.....well....That's a good description of my brain this morning.
However....Pat & Natalia AND Bob & Elena got their approvals...One day apart! How about that!
CONGRATS PAT & NATALIA AND BOB & ELENA!
We're looking forward to a serious party!
Don't know about you....but we need a seriously good joke this morning....Keith G. to the rescue! Thanks Keith!
A Spanish
teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. ''House'' for
instance, is feminine: ''la casa.'' ''Pencil,'' however, is masculine: "el
lapiz.''
A student asked, ''What gender is 'computer'?''
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether
''computer'' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to
give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that ''computer'' should definitely be of the
feminine gender (''la computer''), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers
is incomprehensible to
everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible
later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your
paycheck on accessories for it.
(chuckle... this gets better!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine (''el computer''), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had
waited a little longer,
you could have gotten a bigger, better model.
Suppose it is a tie! Maybe a Uni-sex-computer.
In case you're wondering....Nina says Masculine....I say....I'm getting another cop of coffee.
What do you think?? :-)
Have A Damn Fine Day!
Friday, November 19, 2004.
We have rain & fog here this morning....but it's warm for this time of year. It could be snowing this morning.
We don't know where Keith G. comes-up with these funnies....but we sure appreciate his efforts. Thanks Bud!
We'll have to remember not to do that.
Nina and I.....And all our crew in Vitebsk...Have a message for you:
Have A Damn Fine Weekend!
Monday, November 22, 2004.
We had a nice weekend here....Hope you did too. It's been real mild here in Akron...We used the grill on Saturday to do some burgers. Using the grill a week before Thanksgiving....In Ohio??
Ed B. sent us this funny....We need all the help we can get on a Monday morning. Thanks Ed! It won't be long now before Natasha is here Bud! ;-)
Eight words with two meanings.
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female - Any part under a car's hood.
Male - The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female - Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male - Playing
football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female - The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male -
Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female - A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male - Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female - A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male - Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female - An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male - A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female - The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male - Call
it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female - A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male - A device
for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Hey! Have Yourself A Damn Fine Day!
Tuesday, November 23, 2004.
We got a late start here today. Nina and I had to hit the grocery store to get ready for Thanksgiving. We got the stuff...Nina is all ready to hit the kitchen. YUM!
Keith G. sent us another of his cool jokes, we appreciate that Bud! We need to get you into your own stand-up comedy act.
A man
goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my
wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to
Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with
anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy! What do you
think I should do?" "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a
deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly
where is Larry's bar?"
Have A Damn Fine Day!
Wednesday, November 24, 2004.
I was looking at the Newsletter Archive this morning....actually I was wondering what I had to say a year ago today. This is it:
"Thursday is Thanksgiving. If you happen to have a good woman in your life, like I have, well....You have a lot to be thankful for. The holidays can be great. If you don't have a good woman, go find her. If it's with us, or somewhere else.....Go find her. You owe yourself that in this life."
What else can I say....Except: Thank You Sweetheart! :-)
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the USA....We wish everyone a very nice holiday!
We will be working here on Friday and the weekend. As a matter of fact, we have one of our newer members here with us on Saturday. So....If anyone feels like talking...Give us a call.
Hey! Have A Damn Fine Day!
Monday, November 29, 2004.
We're lucky.....
We have the nicest members on the planet....and one was here with us this weekend. Thanks for making the trip here Bud! We had a fine weekend.
We also had a nice Thanksgiving here....we're still working on the left-overs. Speaking of Thanksgiving...We just got off the phone with Mark L. and his Olga. Olga got here to the USA last night....and they sound just a bit excited. :-)
CONGRATS MARK & OLGA!
We're looking forward to these guys making a trip out here....and we're looking forward to some nice photos from you guys. Especially the Wedding photos!
Mark sent us this Thanksgiving tid-bit a couple days ago.....Thanks Bud!
Things You Can Only Say at Thanksgiving and get
away with it!
1. Talk about a huge breast.
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time.
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst.
5. Whew, that's one terrific spread.
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some.
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once.
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that.
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen.
19. How long do I beat it before it's ready?
OK, it's Monday morning....But....Have A Damn
Fine Day Anyway! We know of at least a few people who are....for sure! :-)
Just for your information, we use the terms Belarus girls, Russian girls, Russian women, and Belarus women interchangeably. All Belarus women are Russian women. Belarus means "White Russia." It's an old name from the Czarist times.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004.
It's the last day of November. Can't believe it won't be long till Christmas, New Year's Eve....and 2005 is just around the bend.
Keith G. sent us this joke a while ago....Time marches on....Thanks Bud!
A man picks up a young woman in a bar and
persuades her to come back to his hotel. When they
are relaxing afterwards, he asked, "Am I the first man
you ever made love to?" She looks at him thoughtfully
for a second before replying. "You might be," she
says. "Your face looks familiar."
Speaking of time flying, our member Jeff has a
birthday tomorrow. We haven't met yet....but that will change in January. Hey
Jeff.....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUD!
Jeff.....We tried like Hell to find a Birthday Cake image that had the appropriate number of candles.....No Damn luck there you old Gieser..... :-)
Here's a little reminder to everyone out there. Have A Damn Fine Day!